Hey BARNOLD

I have one thing to say today:

My Boyfriend has a sideways football head!!!! HAHAHAHA

I'm about to stab myself with pens...

Frybird and I are STILL "studying" not that it appears to be helping...

I'm so bored I might.....

1. stab myself with pens in a vague attempt to amuse myself. I might

A) use a ball point pen and see how many holes I can stab in my arm possibly creating the shape of a flower potentially as a perminant tattoo.
B) stab myself in the eyes to help with reading.
C) remove the inside ink distributor of a biro and force them underneath my fingernails


2. consider various torture methods for colleagues, ones that turn up and ones that done....


3. Rapidly change the font on my messenger


4. update my blog for my failful 2 readers...


If my Brian capacity starts to function again I may possibly be able to update this.

5 mins till drinking time.
-Trout
>))))>

Private Parts' non Private Parts

With General Infirmaries imminent arrival, the preperation begins.

The Plan...

Thursday Night: PUB
Friday Night: PUB
Saturday Day: RIDE (horses) PUB, FOOD
Sunday: PUB

Sounds AMAZING can't wait.

Private Parts is under strick instructions to keep her parts private and to remain sociable... Crouching fish Sucking tiger. didn't they make a movie about that?

General Infirmary is to remain in an upright position with intrails as intrails not extrails.

Major Incident... No incidents PLEASE!!

and me... Corporal Punishment.. to insure the ranks hold their position!


More updates if I'm sober enough to scribble
Corporal Punishment over and OUT

>>)))>

Soft, Strong and Long!

Trout and I having watched the Andrex advert have decided on the next type of dawg we are going to get...

it's not a soft dog

It's not a strong dog

It's a LONG DOG!!

And we're going to call it Sausage and teach it to role!!

Sausage Role!! Good dog.


-Trout
>>)))))>

Studying

The latest definition of studying is "Sleeping with your eyes open"

If I wasn't already comatosed by alcohol... I certainly am now thanks to "using my brain cell" hereby re-named "Brian"


Brian was in agony... this slow and painful study that had begun to submerge him in frustrations. When will this agony ever come to an end? How can suffering be so prolonged? Who would do this to me?!?!

I'm positive this is attempted man slaughter... surely Brian is a real human being and deserves better?!

Wish I was drinking
-Trout
>)))))>

Dawg is constipated

Apparently the Brick is fairly heavy!! Puts new meaning to the Phrase "Shitting Bricks!!"


The Saint has now decided that the Brick is still good to eat once you've chopped it in half and taken the chewed bits off...


I am NOT eating this. Nor is he! that is VILE.

And he is still banned from cooking icing.


Totally disgusted
-Trout
<(((<

... Porn cake continued

So with one trout on holiday, The Saint attempts to make the cake. He is fortunately sensible enough not to do this whilst I am home because I can't deny that the idea of grilling cake scares me immensely...

The cake, from now on referred to as "The BRICK" which is all it was, is made and cooling on the work surface.

Then the Saucepans come out again... to cook the icing!!! WTF why would you need to cook icing!? I didn't even see that on the recipe!


Thank God I wasn't there for the Brick laying part I think I would have had a heart attack!


... Panic then sets in!! I'm going to be expected to taste this brick! Time for bed to recover.

A new day dawns and the saint is up for work early and out of the door... a short while later I pop downstairs and the Dawg is locked in the lounge room... most bizarre... moggies have noses out of joint because it is there couch...

... Brick on work surface, well what's left of it!! Dawg is a LIFE saver!!! no having to eat the brick!!! WOOO HOOOOO!

TBC...

Feeling sorry for dawgs tummy
-Trout
<((((((<

New neighbours....

The Little Trouts Rant

I have this image of her discretely hanging out of the lounge window in full view of the new neighbours... curtains twitching

"OMG TROUT!!!! We've got new neighbours, they just asked me to move the car in my greeseball state!!! I'm about to make brownies... should I take them food? actually, to be fair she looks like she's had many many brownies

... In one go...

She's a bit of a heff... actually to be fair so is he..."

I can't wait to meet them... Trout have you moved the car yet...

"yeah but I had to get changed first.

OMG and the mum looks like Janice Dickinson! There's more plastic on her than a vac packed pork hock!!!

She's a complete Munt!!"


Sounds most excellent thoroughly looking forward to it. it's a bit like having Bacon face living next door!

Still drinking
-Trout

The recipe from a "Saint"

Many thanks to my boyfriend "The Saint" for the first addition to my blog due to his carp spelling and being in a rush;

The recipe for Porn Cake because it's the best cake in the world... apparently

an 8" ting
12oz chimpanzee
8oz Plain cheek
5 egs despursed
5oz plain flower (presumably this means purple clematis is out of the question)
2oz ground clmonds
5oz Casta sugar
2 tablespoons of porn

so the poor Little trout armed with these "ingredients" as scribbled on a manky bit of paper has to go shopping.....

.... and then prepare the cake with the following, what can only be described as, Distructions;

1 mix in eg, flower and sugar
heat till smooth
cool sugar, coke, porn and dry stuff
may grill
inyril (NO idea what this could be)
etc...
Mix icing like (Like What?!?!)

well you get the idea... it was a total load of rubbish

News on how this cake turns out to follow...

Forever drinking
-Trout

A fishy tail...

A Little about me...

I have a lot of crazy friends is probably the first thing you need to know. They will anonymously feature in a few tails I'm sure, because we do have a lot of adventures, mostly involving a lot of cider and sometimes including ponies of which I am an avid collector :)

Secondly, I will mostly be writing at work... more on this later I'm sure.

If you've not seen the original movie "Death at a funeral" watch it!!!

I love green (the colour). I love Strongbow.